cramps

I have this unconfidence in myself, ever since moving. and it brought me nowhere than more misery to myself. sometimes i tell myself to change and why can't I go back being my carefree self than worrying bout this and that. and if thats what growing up is like, then I'd rather stay a little girl once more. I lost my courage in doing even the simplest things in life, cause i tend to think a full lot of everything. isn't thinking suppose to help in ones life? I'm so confuss, so irritated by how everything revolves. whats my dream, i ask myself.. but i can never figure that out. I used to have a thousands of dreams a thousand ideas and whats next in life. but it seems harder now. dreaming is just the first tiny step to everything, but how.. to get it all done? and until now, I'm still so unsure of whats my talent. What God have offered me in life.

I love art, but i don't seem to know how to show it out. it always turns out crappy.
I used to wanna be a model, but... i don't seem to have the opportunities or even the body to do it (lol)
I wanted to become a doctor, but it just way outta my league,
I used to love writing about all random stuff, i used to love writing short stories that comes into my mind. but i can never show it to anyone. maybe its lack of confidence. will, it must be (:
is there any way of hibernating and earning money? hmm,

I woke up with this stupid stomach cramp and to find out later on after doing my bussiness in the toilet, my monthly thingy is dued :) that explains my stomach cramp. no ice cream or any cold drink for a weeeeeeeeeeekkk. omg, why the holidays? >:l

i needa get to work, i mean to study. someone tell me to study already! i feel so bored, my sister is off to school, apperently she has school. yadiyadiyaya. so i'm stuck here alone at home in this house with no one. waiting for darling to stop by later on after his exam. :))

i wanna go shoppping! i miss shopping. I feel so saffocated everytime i go out with my parents and all i can do is just look at those clothes that i'm craving to have all. it hurst. :) how i wish i'm rich, to afford the whole wide worlds shopping malls. yes, i'm greedy. i need a new dress, NEED ok! and more tshirts. tshirts are cool. its a comfy yet easy-going kind of outfit.talking about this, it just reminds me i need to get on the trademill already. chiao! xo