tired

You know that feeling when you're surrounded by a million beings around you but yet you still feel like you're the only person in the room. the feeling of being all alone even when you know there are people around, the feeling of just desperately needing a friend there. 

sometimes i just wish I need not think how am i gonna pass my day alone. im so tired of all this bullshit. and now, i sound like a lonely donkey. which sounds real saddening. will, what im trying to say is, ( obviously not saying i dont have friends) just that sometimes people move on, people change, people find someone/something else better, people have their own life. its all a change. 

im starting to hate the word change. I take that word as a curse. things change, whether its good or bad IT JUST CHANGES. and nothing can be the same as it is in the beginning, where smiles and laughter that was all that matters. things change all the time, people change. 

with all this changes going on, nothing stays constant anymore. nothing can just stay how it is, but change. it you have to cope with it, all over again. back to square one. back to the beginning, finding high and low for that happiness back.

and i admit myself, that i personally find it hard to communicate and get engage with people. i cant just engage with just anybody. but just to certain people. sometimes i really do wonder, do i have a face problem? or do i talk/act weirdly? or maybe do i have bad breath?! (joke) i find people not daring to approach me, like i've got a disease or there's this "no entry sign on my forehead. and when i do try making a conversation with a person, they either reply uninterested or just ditch me halfway through. ( sad isnt it?) at least i try... and trying seems to not be enough nowadays. 

and sometimes, i really do envy bunch of girls just hanging out by the mall or just anywhere. all those pictures they take together as a group or just those laughter you hear when you walk pass starbucks. 

gosh, dont i just sound like a sad donkey now? :) 

just ranting on how i am currently feeling. been really down lately, wth so much happenings going on, so much dramas, so much family issues. someone just shoot me already? xx

hair

one week passed. have been working hell a lot lately. been in cotton on kids almost everyday till now i'm kinda tired of stepping foot in pyramid. but the thought of not being broke for the next month, just makes it all worth itt. so just gonna bare with it, if not i wouldnt' have anything productive to fill my holiday either.

whats new? :)
will, got my fringe cut

From this.....

TO

this...

yeap babehhh, backt to good old bangs :) to my sister, i look like my 16 year old self again. which in other ords, much younger? hah! but this is just for fun, temporary change. i cant seem to find any other suitable hairstyle for myself. I'd rather not cut my back hair for now since I've grown it for 1 and a half years to be this prefect. any suggestions in other hair do? except cutting? but my hair is now terribly damaged due to too much hair bleach and hair dyes. a little unhealthy.

Goodbyes

Imagine life was like Gossip Girl. having gossips about yourself in everything you do and have done, secrets being exploit out without you even knowing, losing people in your life just by the little mistakes and your own selfish decisions or even seeing your own ex boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping with your best friend. can life be that dramatic as it is shown in gossip girl?

to think of it, I do see life that way sometimes. just not that dramatic as it is. we do have gossips floating around us, ruining our life. we do have friends backstabbing us in order to fight for themselves. we also have dramatic relationship every now and then. what we do not have, will WHAT I DONT HAVE would be the money they spend, the amount of money they used just to get what they want, and sometimes even for the wrong purposes. 

its not the gossip that destroys us, its the people that does it that changes everything. to trust a person, someone whom you called as a friend, someone who you thought you could count on, ends up spreading or even playing along that vicious rumor with everyone else. it kills you to see that the person who you thought would never hurt you is the one who hurts you the most. and the best part is, when you see your friendship in a big picture to forgive what that person have done to you.

hah, im just bored now. decided to show a little appearance back on blogger :) will update soon! since i'm having my two and a half week semester break now, so plenty of time for words. and i was just high on gossip girl. been catching up on it lately, waiting for the latest one to air. i know, its a lot of drama in it but thats what its made for isnt it? better than a boring storyless movie. hah! xoxo,