what can i say, even with trials all going on we still had time to have a little fun dressing up. and not to mention now, my trials are over, the amount of things I wanna do but yet I can't do all of them yet. not till SPM is officially over. trials is just a small paet but at least its over. 1 months gone like this. pssh. but it went by pretty fast and to be inform today that spm is in another 48 days. crazy shit no kidding. got to buckle up now and start concentrating and focusing more on my studies. cheyyy, thats what i said before trials started and to see me slacking even the day before exam, HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO SCORE FOR SPM?! yea, i'm gonna be a disappointment to my parents. so here you go mum and dad, i'm sorry. (if u ever come across my blog. hee)

anyways, my babe and I had a photoshoot last thursday at her house. call us amateur models or models wannabe but at least we're starting and trying from somewhere rather then bragging on wanna model and not doing anything right? I know it may look a little slutty but we just came up with it last minute and for me to head to her place without any clothes of my own i needed desperately for her clothes. and this was what we came up with. we're thinking on doing more., but not too sure what next.

cheers

It gets harder

But I'll hold on too it.

I was home almost the whole day but my morning was good eventhough i woke up feeling all heavy headed. maybe its the lack off sleep. have been up quite late the pass few nights facing the laptop and also reading this book" I did tell, I did" its about a little girl , growing up being told by her mother that she doesn't deserve to be loved, while her mother treats all her other siblings with so much love. and she ends up will sexually abuse by her godfather who she thought loved her, worst was her mother knew it but continue ruining her life when all she wanted was to be loved by her mother. i mean, comon what kind of mother is that?! even how badly you didn't want a child during that time you knew you were pregnant, it was all your fault for being irresponsible and even more irresponsible when you treat her that way while she was growing up? pfft. really sad to read this kind of books, looking how the amount of kids that grew in such situations. really make me appreciate my life more in a way :)

if you're interested you could maybe go to the library or even MPH to look for it.

there are alot of this kind of books in the humanity section. really inspiring too :)

okayyyy, i wanted to talk about my day i end up talking about books. heh. so yea, i went to SS2 this morning with both my parents while my sister headed for sunday school. and we checked out the pasar malam or isit called pasar pagi since its was morning. lol. yea, have been ages since i went to one and i was surprise with the amount of thngs sold there, and the price. cheap like mad. my tummy was calling for food, so we went for seafood. for a person like who me who hates fish, it was pretty good. definitely must go back to try out the crabs there. onomnomnom. hehe

two of my favourite people in life :) what more do i need than friends like them who are always there for me through ups&downs and what more our enjoyable moments together. who say being in diff schools would keep us apart? :) somehow it got us closer. imagine being friends till we're wrinkly.

anywya,s the reason why i got into my blog again was, i needed to tell out whats in my mind :/ I know its trials and the only thing that i should think of are books and words. but no, reality is not that simple. sigh. why do guys have to make everything so complicated?! they don't get what is "leave me alone" or "just stop it" its like they are so immune, they have no feelings at all for what other people feel except for theirselves. why so selfish for? your acting this way just cause a havoc to others also? i mean, come on, we all have friends. must it always have to be I like them so i continue contacting them. can't i be friends with people, people from the opposite sex too? no? i didn't know there was such rules for me to follow.

I'm so fed up of what people are asking me to do for my life. i mean, i get it. i shouldn't do this and that. but don't i get to choose what i wanna do once in awhile too? don't i get to make my own decision too? would you like it if people comes to you, telling you its wrong to talk to someone its wrong to go out with someone. I do what i think is right for me, not you. i'm big enough to do what i think, i know i've done so many mistakes in life but thats where i start to learn, thats the whole process of learning isn't it? cause I was on my own when i first came into this world, unless your saying about my parents :)

i never say my life was easy or hard. I have my hard moments and my easy moments, so why can't i feel how am whenever i'm sad or happy? do i not have the rights to be upset at all? to tell you the truth my lovely readers, Im not happy at all. behind those smiles you see, i'm dead inside. sometimes i really don't know how to express it out. i don't know how anymore. after so many start telling me i should be this way and that way, sometimes seriously i don't even know how to feel at all. sometimes i feel so afraid to even show out how i feel about something, i know i should care of how people judge me, but its human nature isn't it? I don't wanna be looked at as a crybaby or a whinny little bitch.



my whole life is a judge. :/ sometimes i don't even wanna talk to anyone at all. sometimes i feel like being alone, thats when i feel free and happy. free away from all my problems and all the judgings. why judge when you yourselve face almost the same thing as everyone? aren't we all afraid of judgements? do you like being said either back or front? so you like being called lack of attention yourselve? do you like being called a bitch? do you like being called a bad friend? do you like being ask not to do what you want? do you like being controlled yourself? do you like being called a slut just because you hang out with guys? its really tiring to hear all this negative thoughts all the times. like i don't have enough of it.

first of all, Final Destination was gruesome. Second of, I had a good time, surprisingly. first time hanging out with my sister Mel, and her friend Meng Li and it wasn't that bad at all. even got to camwhore :) cause we just had too, a girl thing? yea, like i've said, final destination 5 was disgusting. no nice words could ever describe what went in my head leaving unpleasant images in it. and now everytime there's an accident, i'll think that i might die too if i didn't end up dead in that accident. lol. have been watching death-killing shows this few days.   gotta wash my mind up with some comedies soon.

but, this one week has been awesome. hasn't regretted one bit about the days that have went pass :) after this is time to turn my nerd mode on till december.